Oftentimes, I wonder what it would be like if I already had children. At my age, my mother had a four-year-old and was working in education. The cliche world we live in would have said that she “had it all.”
What type of total mind-f**k is that?! She literally had a lot on her hands, but to say she had it ALL? How does anyone know for sure if she was happy or fulfilled? “Has it all” doesn’t necessarily mean doing it all! At least, it shouldn’t.
I’m going to choose to believe that she was incredibly happy, but the thought that this lifestyle is the only thing that defines a woman is incredibly frustrating to me.
The 4 Luxuries of Being Child Free
There are a few luxuries that every child free person has. Not to say that people with children couldn’t find these things if they have enough money and lots of support, but these are definitely things we don’t have to worry about being child-free.
- Time – the ability to do anything, any time, anywhere
- Things – the material things are what make us unique
- Giving – the means to share with friends, family or strangers in need
- Peace – the freedom to have quiet, zen and alone time
Each of these has their own value and their own importance in our life. These are all unique, as they are what make us individuals, but they also have a different weight of importance depending on what we value.
For me, there’s nothing more special than my time and peace. I truly find the most happiness when I can have the freedom to be spontaneous and when I am able to find inner-peace and reflect. As a creative and a writer, the most special things to me are finding time to write and express my creativity. This is one area that I stay true to and I don’t compromise. The first step in self care is finding those things that matter to you and staying true to them.
What Does “Having It All” Really Mean?
If you asked me, I’d say I have it all. Perfect and loving husband. Check. Fantastic career that I enjoy. Check. Time and energy to do everything I want. Check. Money to travel, shop and afford anything I want. Check.
But, I know that my lifestyle isn’t for everyone. There are definitely women (and men) out there who want children. They seek that parental feeling of raising a tiny human that I just can’t get on board with right now.
If you asked them, they would probably say that when their children were born, they finally felt they had it all. And, that’s great! Everyone has their own definition of this magic phrase. The most important thing we can do is realize that each individual has their own definition and trying to attach a generalization or cliche to everyone’s “has it all” would be like trying to say everyone wants the same things in life. It’s just not true or right.
How to Embrace the Luxuries of Being Child Free
Always, always be true to yourself. This is something my dad always taught me and I’m so thankful that I listened. He believed in doing what’s right for yourself. He believed that no one could take away your freedom of choice and to always do what you believed in your heart was destined to be your next step.
In November, R went to Montreal for work, so I decided to meet him up there for a long weekend. I had never been to Montreal, so this was just an easy decision. But, there were several things this would mean I had to give up. For one, I wouldn’t be able to take too much time off work for the holidays. I would also have to give up the only free weekend in November I had before my mom and sister visited us for Thanksgiving week.
This definitely didn’t feel like a hard decision, but there were so many little things that needed to be ready before they arrived and before cooking Thanksgiving dinner. Being child-free definitely has its perks though. We really never feel pressure about getting things done. We have plenty of free time to choose what priorities comes first. For this end of year trip, the priority was living life!
So, we had a fantastic time relaxing and enjoying the cold winter weather in Montreal.
There’s nothing better than relaxing in bed late, enjoying drinks and appetizers in the hotel lounge each night before dinner and frolicking around the icy cold streets after dinner. As dual income, no kids, we truly are enjoying the riches of life. It’s all about embracing the time, things and peace we have!